I’m alive

So London has been bad (yes… I often refer to myself in 3rd person). Before you crucify me, I have a valid reason.

The last month, has not been the easiest if I’m being honest with you. And I will admit (with no shame whatsoever) that I am emotionally stunted (that’s a trauma for another day), and when I have too many things that are affecting me, I struggle to express my feelings. I usually need a while to work out how I’m feeling, and I’m not the greatest communicator out there (Dom gets the short end of that stick I’m afraid).

In between all the stress of trying to find stable jobs, my birth-giver decided to annoy people to try to find me again. As if I need that stress on top of everything else. The worst part in all of this, is that I know she isn’t looking for me out of the love in her cold dead heart. She’s looking for me, because she has to explain to the rest of my family, why I haven’t “come home”. It makes me so angry (which doesn’t help the anger issues you know), I have repeatedly told her to leave me alone. I’m not the type of person, who stays in unhealthy situations. As a person who is older than 21, the law sees me as an adult. I made an adult decision to leave a place where I no longer felt safe enough to be. And she made the adult decision, to condone all the unacceptable behavior her boyfriend was displaying towards me. Why she now can’t stick by her decision is pissing me off. I have had peace for the last few months, and now that’s gone.

I’m just really mad and I need a healthy outlet for this or I will lose my shit.

This is me… near tears… because I cry when I get angry, that’s how fucked up I am.


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